girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize