Me too!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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