it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
