Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
