Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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