Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize