I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
you had me at cake vodka
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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