Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
