so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize