we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
