This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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