She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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