Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
