does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
third nipple confirmed
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
