you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
