There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
