You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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