you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
