Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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