'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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