Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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