You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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