So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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