atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
