god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
