I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
