So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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