Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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