allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
