I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
