His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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