wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
