He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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