I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize