Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
