HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
