Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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