I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize