i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
