My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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