The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He felt like a one man threesome
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
