i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
