I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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