Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
