If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize