what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm at about main and main street
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
