and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
