That's intense
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
