He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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