May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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