help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
