She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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