I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
