I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
