you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
