Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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