I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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