she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
