best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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