I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
