my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
