Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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