Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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