i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
