So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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