my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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