Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
