Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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