they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
