Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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