shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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