Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
