SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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