sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
