I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
