i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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