My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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