Don't you send me to vm
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
